Eggs and Influence

In the movie “Runaway Bride,” reporter Ike Graham goes to a small town to write a story on bride Maggie Carpenter. Maggie has already left three grooms at the alter so the talk of the town is will she make it four. As Ike interviews the three previous grooms, he finds that when he inquiries about how Maggie liked her eggs the answer is different each time. Turns out that Maggie liked her eggs the exact same way each of the grooms liked their eggs.

The fourth principle in John Gottman’s book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is to “Let Your Partner Influence You.” Through Dr. Gottman’s research he has found that husbands have a harder time letting their wives influence them. Thankfully he has found a shift in this behavior. “About 35 percent of the men we’ve studied are emotionally intelligent. Research from previous decades suggests the number used to be much lower. Because this type of husband honors and respects his wife, he will be open to learning more about emotions from her.” (Gottman, 2015, pg. 123) I feel that part of this shift is because spouse have started to recognize the importance of working together to strengthen their marriage.

What does this principle and the way Maggie likes her eggs have in common? I agree with Dr. Gottman that husbands, and wives, need to honor and respect their spouse by allowing each other to be influenced by the other. I’d like to add a bit to his message. For a person to have influence in a relationship they need be confident in their value. Since Dr. Gottman pointed out that husbands have a harder time with receiving the influence from their wives I will follow his train of thought and add that wives need to remember to be influential. When we look at Maggie and her choice of eggs, she was allowing herself to go along with what her fiancée’s choice was. In the end Maggie’s choice for how to eat eggs was Benedict. Maggie knew how she liked her eggs, she just needed to be confident in herself to order eggs her way instead of how her fiancée always ordered them.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.