Aware of the Intent

A friend once asked which apostle was my favorite to listen to during General Conference. Without hesitation I answered Elder Richard G. Scott. I loved the way he talked directly to the camera as if he was talking right to me. I also found that his talks spoke directly to my heart. My friend then replied that meant I loved to hear the subject of chastity because in his opinion that was what Elder Scott talked about most often. I hadn’t ever thought about the speaking patterns of the apostles or other general authorities of the church until I started to follow Elder Bruce C. Hafen. Like Elder Scott, Elder Hafen’s talks touch my heart. I enjoy his style of speaking and the subject he talks often about, which in his own words is “family relationships, especially child rearing and marriage.” His speaking style helps with my understand of these topics and therefore gives me strength to strive to improve my marriage, my parenting skills and myself.

This week I read a talk he gave in the Saturday morning session of the October 1996 General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints titled “Covenant Marriage.” To help us understand what a covenant marriage is he compared it to a contractual marriage by stating, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.” (Hafen, 1996, 26) Giving 100 percent, all the time, is extremely hard! With all of life’s demands such as parenthood, work, church, school and other outside influences, always keeping marriage front and center can be challenging. Even harder than that is making sure you and your spouse are both finding the balance while keeping marriage front and center.

Though this is difficult, it is not impossible. At the Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, held on February 11, 2006, Elder Bednar, while speaking on marriage, referenced Alma 2:12 and pointed out that it states to be “…aware of the intent of [their enemy] and, therefore, they did prepare to meet them.” (Brigham Young University - Idaho, 2006) We like the people in Alma can become aware of the attacks on our marriage so that when we are faced with them, we will have our defenses prepared. Elder Hafen helps us to become aware of the intents of our enemies by sharing three ways that they seek to destroy our marriage.

Elder Hafen first helps us understand the differences between a hireling and a shepherd by sharing what Jesus taught in John 10:12-15. This is the parable of the hireling and a shepherd. A hireling runs away from the flock of sheep when the wolves’ approach as compared to how a shepherd stays to protect the sheep. Elder Hafen reminds us that we need to be a shepherd in our marriage not a hireling and helps us to know what we can focus on in our marriages to help make this happen.

Elder Hafen refers to the intents of the enemy as wolves.

 The three wolves he mentions are natural adversity, imperfections and excessive individualism. He shares that these wolves attack continually throughout every stages of marriage. I can attest to the truthfulness of his synopsis because I’ve seen each of these wolves approach my marriage of 15 years. The first wolf of “natural adversity” tackled us when the economy in America was bleak and we were thrown into the bleakness when my husband lost his job. The next wolf of “imperfections” threatens us daily as we continually show our weaknesses and make mistakes. The last wolf of “excessive individualism” confronted us way before we even met each other. By Mormon culture my husband was a menace to society, and I was an old maid by the time we got married. Unfortunately, this later in age marriage also brought baggage of deep-rooted singleness, or individualism, into it. We continually work to defeat this wolf.

Knowing how these wolves actively play a part in our marriage now will help us to become “aware” of their moves so we can plan strategies so that we can be prepared to act like a shepherd and not a hireling.

Brigham Young University - Idaho. (2006, February 11). Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan [Video]. BYU-Idaho Streaming Video Player. http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=156&EndCue=1437&VideoName=WorldwideLeadershipFamily&VideoType=byuiproduced

Hafen, B. C., (1996, Nov.). Covenant Marriage. Ensign, 26