Two months from now will be the two-year anniversary
of the death of my mother-in-law, Jacqui. I’m one of the lucky ones that doesn’t
have any horrible “monster”-in-law stories. Jacqui was born and raised in
Scotland, the youngest child of Tom and Agnes Rankin. She grew up in a very
unconventional way. Her mother was in and out of her life for massive blocks of
time due to alcoholism. At age eight, Jacqui had to be “the woman of the
house.” Though her own mother wasn’t a great example she absolutely adored her
mother-in-law, Anna. Jacqui lived with Anna for a few years once she moved to America
shortly after marrying Anna’s son, Vincent (my father-in-law). Through Anna,
Jacqui learned how to be a great mother-in-law. Shortly after my husband and I got
engaged, Jacqui looked into my eyes and said, “I am here if you need me, but I
will never give you advise unless you ask for it.”
In our studies this week we read the following
statement, “While popular culture often suggests it is best to live far from
parents-in-law, the results of one study demonstrated that the close proximity
of daughters-in-law with their husbands’ mothers did not add strain but
provided opportunities for relationship development.” (Hart et al., 2005, p
331) My relationship with my mother-in-law is a testimony of the study
mentioned above. My husband and I lived 20 minutes from my in-laws when we
first got married. She truly kept her promise of not butting into our marriage
or parenting lives the whole time we lived that close.
Part of the success of having a wonderful relationship
with my mother-in-law is because of the circumstances mentioned in the next claim,
“Research shows that when daughters-in-law disclose information about
themselves, communicate openly, accept differences, use empathy, and put for a relational
connection, they can have high-quality relationships with mothers-in-law.”
(Hart et al., 2005, p 332) We had many opportunities to get to know each other.
Being open to spending special time with Jacqui helped me to learn so many fun
life stories about Jacqui’s life. With her now gone, I find myself from time to
time remembering back to the times we shared together. I’m extremely grateful
for the time we had and I look forward to seeing her when we get to meet again.
Hart, C. H., Newell, L. D., Walton, E., Dollahite, D.
C., Haupt, J. H., Hendricks, H. M., & Hawkins, L. B. (Eds.). (2005). Helping
and healing our families. Salt Lake City:Deseret Book Company
