Ask of God

I echo the words and feelings of Cathy Ruse, Esq. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, thus making me a Christian. “And that means that it is impossible for me to believe that marriage is anything other than the union of a man and a woman. And no law will change that belief. No judge will change that belief. There is nothing that can change that belief. Nothing.” (World Congress of Families IX, 2015) One might say that my faith has made me blind or “very, very uneducated” (Coalition for Marriage, 2013) as Suze Orman referred to Ryan Anderson during a debate on the Piers Morgan show from 2013. My faith has taught be from the very beginning that “If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” (James 1:5) I testify to you that I am not “uneducated” because God does “giveth to all men liberally.”

You see, I have an amazing friend that has been with me for the past 35 years, that I love dearly. Every year during Christmas I pull out my special golden snowflake and my heart is flooded with tons of memories from my childhood as I read the engraved phrase “Friends Forever.” Brenda and I did everything together. We watched movies, played air hockey, had countless sleepovers and I never missed her birthday parties. Matter of fact, Brenda would check my schedule to see when I was available so I wouldn’t miss it. She knew though to not have a sleepover start or end on a Sunday because that was my family’s special day of worship and time to be just our family. She also knew to always have 7-UP or other non-caffeinated drink because my family had a rule of not drinking caffeine. She never swore or took the Lord’s name in vain in front of me and stood up for me when others did use inappropriate language. She knew my faith and the important place it had in my life. It was because of how close we were and how strong in my faith I was that she had an internal struggle to call me one night during our college years and share her “secret life” with me. During our freshman year in high school Brenda had started to have feelings for other girls. It wasn’t until after high school, when our paths went two separate directions that she started to act on her feelings. She struggled because she wanted to continue with our close friendship, but she didn’t want me to think less of her or have me feel uncomfortable around her. The conversation from that night was one of the best we’ve ever had. I was able to sincerely tell her that I loved her and will always love her. I told her that I want to be a part of her life and be there to support her where I can. She was extremely grateful that I responded with great love and support for her and our friendship. To this day we still reach out to each other and give updates on our kids and lives. Unfortunately, for the past two years her mother has been battling lung and brain cancer. She continues to ask for my special prayers on her mother’s behalf because she knows that I’m still strong in my faith.

I continue to stand by my expression of love and support for Brenda that I shared with her from that night so many years ago. There was a time shortly after sharing this expression of love and support that I had my own internal struggle. How could I truly have such love and support for Brenda and believe that homosexuality was immoral? I found that I first needed to find the answer of why. Why did I believe that homosexuality was immoral? And, did I really believe that or was I brainwashed to believe it? The answers to these questions did not come to me overnight. It was many years of praying to seek the peace of how these two beliefs could coincide within me. I remember every detail from when my answer came. It was a sacred moment for me and so all I will share is that I have a firm and immovable testimony that our Heavenly Father loves each and every one of his children. He loves us ALL beyond anything that we will ever be able to fully comprehend. There is also no doubt in my mind that we have been commanded by our loving Father in Heaven to multiple and replenish the earth so that His many children will be able to enjoy the blessings afforded everyone of having a body, being tested and returning to live with Him again.

Though my testimony is a very tangible witness to me, I know that not everyone would be ready to receive their answers in defining marriage through my testimony alone. Therefore, I have continued to study and understand the importance of marriage and families so I can help others to comprehend the importance. Many studies have been done regarding the purpose of marriage and have proven that marriage is best for the children of the world and societies as a whole. Ryan Anderson declared in front of the House Judiciary Committee on January 13, 2014 that “Marriage exits to unite a man and woman as a husband and wife to then be equipped to be mother and father to any children that union produces. It is based on biological fact that men and women are distinct and complementary. It’s based on the anthropological truth that reproduction requires a man and a woman. It is based on the social reality that children deserve a mother and a father.” (The Heritage Foundation, 2014) I agree, from my experience there are many situations in our family where, as a mother, I have a better understand and capacity to fulfill the need of our children, that my husband would not be able to accomplish, and vice versa. I’ve also talked with many of my friends that are single mothers, and even though the biological father of their children may not have been the best example of manhood, they at least were able to provide things that as women, my friends are not able to. All these women have expressed extreme gratitude for the capable and generous men that do make up their community of support in helping to bring the influence of righteous men into their children’s lives.

 My studies do not stop at research into the importance of marriage and family. It continues with finding ways to show the expression of love and support to my dear friend, Brenda, and others that I meet that deal with same-sex attraction. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has affirmed in their statement through “The Divine Institution of Marriage” that “Church members are to treat all people with love and humanity. They may express genuine love and kindness toward a gay or lesbian family member, friend, or other person without condoning any redefinition of marriage.” (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, n.d.). I’m grateful for the knowledge I have of the importance of being a disciple of Jesus Christ and to show unconditional love towards all of God’s children.

In the matter of gaining your own understand of the definition of marriage, if you haven’t already received a strong testimony of the importance of marriage being between a man and a woman, then I strongly encourage you to take the council of James to “ask of God.” He wants you to find out for yourself the truthfulness and fullness of his eternal plan of happiness.

Coalition for Marriage. (2013, March 26). Ryan Anderson debates gay marriage with Piers Morgan [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/embed/vrk1R-3X9Hc?rel=0

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (n.d.). The Divine Institution of Marriage. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage

The Heritage Foundation. (2014, January 13). Ryan Anderson Testifies Before the Indiana House Judiciary Committee [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/embed/3TNmKo5KcMY?rel=0

World Congress of Families IX. (2015, October 28). Cathy Ruse remarks, World Congress of Families IX [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/embed/xVTHhQhFb8M?rel=0

The Jericho Missile and Marriage Trends

Jericho Missile

I was recently introduced to the “Jericho Missile” while watching the Marvel movie “Iron Man”. The description for the Jericho Missile from a Marvel fandom site states, “In the launch process, the system first is given a target which it then calculates the distance to. The missile is then launched, and when it reaches a designated height and distance away from the target, splits into 16 smaller missiles that all hit the target at strategic places.” ("Jericho Missile," n.d., History section, para. 1) When it comes to the link between the Jericho Missile and Marriage Trends, one can truly tell that the one launching the missile is not marriage friendly and is attacking marriage with full gusto. In the description above we can note that marriage is the target the system is first given. Then after launch the smaller missiles hit the target – marriage – in “strategic places”, like divorce, co-habitation and birth out of wedlock.

Unfortunately, the wounds caused by the Jericho Missile cannot be healed by temporary bandages. Even more unfortunate is that those with power to heal the wounds from the marital Jericho Missile are only using figurative bandages, such as family planning, job training and secondary education. These figurative bandages have been a great start. It has been said before that knowledge is power and helping to provide knowledge and opportunity to improve individuals’ chances at a better life is a fantastic goal. According to “The President’s Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent”, from The State of Our Union, written by Elizabeth Marquardt and her colleagues, “Scholars prefer to emphasize family planning and contraception for twenty-somethings who are at risk of unwed parenthood, opportunities for job training beyond high school, and sending more high school graduates to college. Yet these strategies, however desirable they may be, have not been very successful thus far.” (Marquardt, Blankenhorn, Lerman, Malone-Colón, & Wilcox, 2012, p. 10). This means that we need to do more then put extra time, energy and money into these initiatives, these strategies are a terrific starting point but they are not the answer to fixing the wounds from the disasters caused by the missile strike.

How do we clean the wounds from this missile while making sure another attack is not made? We follow the direction of our loving Heavenly Father given through the Apostles of our time. In General Conference of April 2007, Elder Oaks shared these profound words “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” (Oaks, 2007, p. 73). We seek the needed programs that will help us to become more loving and Christlike while teaching us to work together for this as a couple. We then turn these moments into teaching moment for our children so they can be passed on from generation to generation. As we advance in our learning with becoming more Christlike and helping our children to do the same, we need to remember that we have all been given the gift of agency. We can help to encourage those that ask for guidance in choosing the Lord’s way, but they will always have the choice to follow the advice or not. Our responsibility is to continue to be Christlike and show unconditional love for all those we meet. In this same talk Elder Oaks shared that “President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage…means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means deepest and sweetest emotions of all.” (Oaks, 2007, p. 73). These are the types of things we should be learning in our youth. We need to learn how to be selfless and caring. We need to learn how to communicate with others in a way that builds them up and helps them to be the child of God that they are. We need to destroy the missile launcher by giving him no place in our communities, our homes and our lives.

Jericho Missile. (n.d.). Retrieved January 15, 2020, from https://marvel-movies.fandom.com/wiki/Jericho_Missile

Marquardt, E., Blankenhorn, D., Lerman, R. I., Malone-Colón, L., and Wilcox, W. B., (2012) “The President’s Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent,” The State of Our Unions (Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage Project and Institute for American Values).

Oaks, D. H. (2007, May). Divorce. Ensign, 37(5), 70–73.